editor@womenspress.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- August 29, 2001 Front Page article by Jennifer Thaney photo illustration by Sarah Whiting In a state that has 25 shelters for battered women and children, the face of domestic violence is decidedly female. The assumption is that women and children are the only people in need of a safe haven from violence. But last spring, a group of 18 men set out to challenge that assumption in court. They sought to eliminate public funding of battered women's shelters, claiming it is discriminatory and unconstitutional. In early August, a judge dismissed their case. Federal District Court Judge Michael Davis ruled the men had no standing to file the lawsuit because the plaintiffs were unable to demonstrate there had been sufficient injury. His decision leaves funding for battered women's programs intact. It also leaves unanswered the question of whether male victims of domestic violence in Minnesota are being victimized twice, once by their partner and again by a system that refuses to address their needs. The case is likely to be appealed. Whatever the outcome of that appeal, it's clear that the lawsuit has drawn attention to a side of domestic abuse that is nearly invisible in mainstream media and often overlooked by social service agencies. "We want the law to acknowledge that men are battered as well as women, and that violence is an issue of public health rather than gender, " explained Jim Lovestar, one of the 18 men who filed the lawsuit. The judge's decision was welcome news to women's advocates like Susan Neis, executive director of Cornerstone, an agency that serves victims of domestic abuse. Neis and other advocates agree that battered men need services, but they are critical of attempts to get that help at the expense of battered women. "No one condones using violence against a partner," Neis said. "But to go about [eliminating domestic violence] by bringing a lawsuit against a multitude of agencies doesn't seem a particularly constructive way to advocate on behalf of legitimate [male] victims." When battered women first began to lobby for services, they looked hard for statistical information that would support their requests to the legislature, Neis added. "I haven't seen a commensurate effort on the part of men," she said. "If you are an advocate for men, then advocate." Statistics don't tell the whole story The most telling thing current statistics about battered men show is just how invisible the problem is. There are virtually no local or national agencies that track abuse statistics for men. Cornerstone is the only organization in Minnesota that offers services for male victims of abuse. State officials are only now beginning to consider ways to track abuse victims by gender. A bill passed during the 2001 legislative session directed the Minnesota Center for Crime Victim Services (MCCVS) to "study the issues of domestic violence and sexual abuse as they pertain to both men and women," said Paula Weber, director of domestic violence and sexual assault prevention for MCCVS. The most recent report from the U.S. Department of Justice found that in 1998, women were victims in 85 percent of cases of intimate partner violence. A look at Cornerstone's clientele provides a more local picture. Men comprise 2 percent to 5 percent of Cornerstone's clients in any given year, a number that, according to Neis, has been consistent since the agency opened in 1983. During the first six months of 2001, Cornerstone provided direct services to 1,200 women and 60 men. While Cornerstone placed 120 of those women in emergency shelters, only five men utilized safe housing options, said Neis, pointing out that most men who contact Cornerstone seek legal advocacy or individual support services. Efforts to draw attention to the issue of battered men have rankled many battered women's advocates. They fear resources for battered women, which are already scarce, will shift to battered men and public attention will be diverted away from female victims. "For the last 15 years, people have been saying, 'What about the men?'," said Stephanie Avalon, resource specialist for the Battered Women's Justice Project. "This isn't new, I've heard it endlessly." While Avalon acknowledges there are men who are abused by their female partners, she argues that domestic violence is not gender-neutral. "Domestic violence is a gender issue," she said, "because it happens primarily to women and because its root cause is the culturally supported belief that men have the right to exert superiority over women." Using neutral terms like "family violence" dilutes the issue, Avalon maintains. Men portrayed as abusers Battered men's advocates argue the issue needs diluting. Too often, men are characterized as perpetrators of domestic abuse while women are portrayed as victims, said Lovestar, co-founder of the Institute for Men's Health and Well-being, a local organization that offers classes on male mid-life passage, parenting and men's health. "Domestic violence is about poor communication and attempts by both women and men to maintain their sense of personal power through violence," Lovestar said, adding "Neither gender has the corner on the market on that." Rachel Hefte, formerly the violence prevention coordinator for Anoka County, agrees. "I'm a feminist, and I see things from a women's perspective. I have been listening to men. They have their own struggles and pain, and it's not because they are inherently bad," Hefte added. Men operate under a different set of expectations than women, Hefte said. They are supposed to be tough rather than nurturing and keep feelings to themselves rather than share them with others, she said. By sticking men in the perpetrator box and women in the victim box, we miss all kinds of other things going on, including gender socialization, family dynamics, and the degree to which our communities and society as a whole are violent. "Women can be emotionally and verbally abusive, and some do resort to physical violence," Hefte acknowledged. Breaking his silence**** Paul R. Graffunder knows that all too well. For nearly 18 years, Graffunder said he was verbally and physically abused by his female partner, whose anger often erupted if he was late coming home from work . He said he never tried to defend himself, and he never returned the violence. "I told myself that it was OK for her to break things and hit me," Graffunder recalled. "I told myself [the violence] was OK because she was angry and had reason, and I learned to live with it." Graffunder said he didn't see his relationship as abusive until he began attending men's support groups several years ago. "At the time, I didn't consider [the relationship] to be abusive. There is lots of information on domestic abuse out there for women, but for men there is nothing."**** If there had been any public acknowledgement of female batterers and male victims, Graffunder said he might have come to that realization sooner. "If there had been anything on the radio or TV saying it's wrong for your wife or female partner to hit you," things may have been different," he speculated. "But there was none of that, and there still isn't much. We need to have a focus on family violence. ***It's wrong for all family members to hit one another." Graffunder said he was also embarrassed by his situation, and that embarrassment kept him from seeking help. He was raised with the image of male toughness, an image that was reinforced by television and movies. "Men are supposed to be the stronger of the sexes. We think we're supposed to take a few hits in life," Graffunder said. "It's acceptable for a woman to slap a man in the face during an argument. You see that all the time. But it's never acceptable for a man to slap a woman." It is only recently that some men have begun to open their eyes and look at the impact of cultural expectations and gender stereotypes, Lovestar said. "Men working on behalf of battered men has been very rare. Men have been struggling with our social conditioning to compete with each other rather than collaborate with and support each other. "Men need to acknowledge their vulnerability and invite others to do the same," Lovestar said. Male victims need support groups and other places where they can feel safe and protected, he argued. *Men need to work on behalf of battered men to raise public awareness of the issue so that churches, workplaces government agencies, police and others acknowledge this reality. The lawsuit represents one way to start raising this awareness, Lovestar said. "We want domestic violence programs expanded because the more services we offer for all people who are abused, the healthier we are as a state." *** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- © 2001 Minnesota Women's Press, Inc. 771 Raymond Ave. St. Paul, MN 55114 USA Phone: 651-646-3968 • FAX: 651-646-2186 Minnesota Women's Press, Inc., is an independent, woman-owned and operated business. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This page was last updated on August 29, 2001. esota%20Women's%20Press/newspaper/NewsNotes.html'>esota%20Women's%20Press/newspaper/NewsNotes.html'>esota%20Women's%20Press/newspaper/NewsNotes.html'>esota%20Women's%20Press/newspaper/NewsNotes.html'>